Don't let "the general public" ruin your holiday. We're clearing out the playgrounds and moving the Science Centre to the shore to ensure your arrival is Premier first-class. While everyone else figures out how to pay rent, we're making sure your landing gear has plenty of room and your kids have sciency things to do while you take in the spa. We've handled the logistics so you don't have to worry about traffic.
— Management · Doug Ford's Island Getaway
Your Profit, Our Priority ★ Affordable for the wealthy and well-connected ★ By Invitation Only
Six ways we're turning your public goods into private perks—because parks, science centres, and transparency were just taking up space.
Why should a local park get in the way of your weekend? We're taking Little Norway Park to lengthen the tarmac. Park two private jets for the price of one. They lose a playground; you gain a faster descent to the lounge.
Public land is a waste of a good view. We're giving the waterfront to a private spa and making "everyday people" pay $400M for the parking garage. Your kids can occupy themselves with "sciency things" and magnets in the pavilion next door while you take in a deep-tissue massage. We're moving the education to the shore so you don't have to worry about traffic.
High rent isn't a crisis—it's a security feature. It keeps the "rabble" out of the neighborhood. We'll keep blocking rent controls and building luxury condos so your properties stay profitable and exclusive.
Doing deals this big requires total privacy. That's why we passed a law to make the Premier's text messages and phone logs vanish forever—even the ones a court told us to release. No trail, no trouble, no journalists.
Why follow the rules when you can opt out of them? Under Bill 5, carve your own private jurisdiction out of Ontario's framework. No assessments, no consultations, no bylaws. Sovereignty, on demand.
Ontario is "Open for Business," specifically yours. We've redesigned the provincial motto to focus on the only thing that actually grows: your already massive pile of cash.
A bold new vision for Ontario — where every park is a parking lot waiting to happen, and every public asset is just a press release away from a private buyer.
— A Concerned Subscriber · Toronto, Ontario
Dear Premier Ford,
It's a relief to have a government that knows public parks are better used as private runways and luxury spas. While regular folks are complaining about $2,000 rent, it's great to see you spending over a billion dollars to move the Science Centre to the waterfront just to give the kids some sciency things to do while we're at the spa.
Thank you for changing the laws to hide our group chats and for the way you handled those private jets. Let the "everyday people" worry about their bills; we've got a province to run.
Yours from the Top Floor,
— A Very Grateful Insider
All it needs is your name. The Premier is handing public land to private developers, hiding his text messages, and parking jets where your parks used to be. Tell him what you think — seriously, this time.
To: Premier Doug Ford
Re: Ontario Place. Little Norway Park. The Science Centre. The deleted texts.
Message: Stop treating the province like a clearance sale.
Ontario Place. Little Norway Park. The Science Centre move. Hiding the Premier and Cabinet's text messages. Private jets (yes, then no, then... sold back 48 hours later with $200,000.00 in extra fees? We don't know). This isn't a travel catalogue—it's a snapshot of what this government is doing with your province.
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